scythe_lucifer | (no subject)

Sometimes I want that. To be someone else. To ditch what I've got for a little while. That's why I think it would be cool.

Isn't being here a chance at that?
You can be anyone you want and no one here would know otherwise.

Unless someone from home shows up.

And I've already spilled the beans on how my world works so it's not like I can pretend that.

I'm not good at faking it.

True...

Well, you can still try to change who you are. Make choices you wouldn't normally. I know it's not quite the same.

No but maybe?

I'm already forced to make choices in situations I never thought I'd face so

maybe we'll just find out if I've got another side to me.

Being thrown outside of your comfort zone will certainly lead to that.

I know I've discovered a few things about myself since I've been away from home. And I feel like I'm discovering something new every day.

It's true.

[ Not that this is his first time severely out of his comfort zone, but he's hopeful that this is a different kind of hell than Goddard's house. ]

Like what have you discovered? Or is that too much?

Maybe you could find out if you're that interested.
But I get the feeling you aren't.

[ It honestly takes him a second. ]

I'm interested in you.

but if you mean Interested like the other way

[ He hasn't thought about her that way. She's beautiful, yes, and when she said that thing to him over the network, his brain had short circuited at the thought. But it's confusing and he thinks he's supposed to be respectful, not instantly attracted to every person he meets. ]

I'm not not I'm just slow

[ Her response is a little delayed as she tries to make sense of what he means. Interested but not not interested?

She figured he wasn't. ]

Oh.
I don't think taking it slow works in this place.

[ She's probably still misunderstanding something. ]

[ It's becoming apparent over the short time that he's here that Rowan is really quite bad at texting. ]

I know. I get that they don't want us to. to be slow, to take things slow. and it's been backfiring on me.

Going slow is backfiring?
I don't think I understand.

[ Maybe they need to be talking on the phone like normal people instead of texting. ]

I don't want to have sex with everyone I meet, you know?

And then I keep getting into these positions where I do. Aphros or drinks or whatever.

My plan to go slow and get to know people and THEN MAYBE have sex with them is .. you're right, not backfiring. Just up in flames.

I don't either.
But I've kind of learned I have to look at anyone I would normally be interested in like that.
That is also a Submissive.
Not that it matters in the end.

[ Okay, sense made of that now. ]

When you have to meet quota, taking it slow isn't really an option and the city makes sure you know that.
I mean, maybe after you've been here a while you can take your time with new people, but at the start that's impossible.

[ At least it had been for her. ]

I wanted it to be my first little rebellion. don't hit quota, fuck their rules. before I took a dominant too so they wouldn't get in trouble for it.

I'm trying to do it backwards with a couple of people. we've had sex but now we can talk. but we keep having sex too not necessarily because we're just in the mood and I'm.

I guess I just get tired.

So you wanted to get drugged by the city?

Must be nice to have people like that.

want to get drugged? no. want to say I won't go along easily or willingly? yes. and I'd accept the consequences.

I know it doesn't sound very different but I like to think it is.

That's dumb.

I can count the number of men that I've been with that still speak to me after on one hand. I guess the experience was terrible.

thanks.

[ He's not hurt by the statement though, not really. He knows it's dumb. ]

that's harsh. I mean I almost didn't speak to them after the fact because I was ashamed.

I think at least half of them didn't have any shame.

[ She knows for a fact one of them doesn't. But he also has a girlfriend so why would he ever need anyone else? ]

Maybe some others vanished like my submissives did.

maybe.

that would figure. lies and eator and whoever not wanting you to be happy. or whatever comes close to it around here.

Plenty of people are happy.
In love.
Getting married.
All of that.

It just seems there are very few that want me as a person.
Which I guess is fine as long as I make quota and stay out of trouble.

yeah I'm not

[ Well, he shouldn't talk shit about people he doesn't know. He's learned that lesson. ]

that's all anyone can really do. stay out of trouble and see what happens.

Sorry. This got really negative.

If you want to complain about something I'm all ears. Eyes?

It's okay. I mean I get it. things are tough here and we all have our moments. I'm just

I get angry. but I like to do something with that. like work out and hit things. punching bags, not walls or anything. I don't like to talk about stuff like that.